he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize