I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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