His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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