Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
