Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
