He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
