can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
