To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
