woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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