We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
