guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's blow job season.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
