I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
