Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I supernannyed him into submission
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
