Your dad touched me again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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