My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
