I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
