i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
