I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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