i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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