it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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