No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
