They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
