another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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