I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize