Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
