We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
