I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
