Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
