Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
