My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
