Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
