god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
