like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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