Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
