Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize