my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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