I am puke
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize