why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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