I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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