So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
