There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
