is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
