Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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