I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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