I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
