guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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