i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize