Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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