dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
