She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
