Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
