dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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