I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
