You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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