Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
