Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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