I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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