try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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