I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
