Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize