Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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