I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ttyl tear gas
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
