i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
