You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
