After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
