C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
