i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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