Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
