so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
