Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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