a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
