Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
