we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize