Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
