i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
