We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
