Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
