I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
