Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
