remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
