I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nicole vs. Life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
