Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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