quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
