the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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