One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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