Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
