dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
