you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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