And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
