Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry about my life...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
