Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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