you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
