i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
