How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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