if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
