So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize