There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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