Apparently you make a good broom.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
