Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize